Trust
by Nytel
Summary: I worte this for a fic challenge for the episode Critical Mass: major spoilers! John and Teyla talk about the events that happened in that episode, I won't say what in case you don't want to be spoiled.


**A/N: This is just a short little fic that I wrote for a5 min fic challenge for Critical Mass. Obviously there are spoilers for Critical Mass, but there are no specific ones for any other episodes. I hope that you enjoy. :)**

Teyla let the night breeze wash over her as she stood on one of Atlantis' many balconies. Even though it was a warm night Teyla couldn't help but feel cold.

This was the first time since Teyla had arrived at Atlantis when she found herself questioning if she was doing the right thing. Dr. Weir and Colonel Sheppard had been willing to torture Kavanaugh because they suspected he was an operative of the Trust, whatever that was. They didn't even have any proof, but they were willing to do it anyways. The thought of it turned Teyla's stomach.

Teyla knew that it had been Ronon's suggestion, and she found it strange that she wasn't all that angry with him. Maybe it was because of the life Ronon had been leading before he came to Atlantis. It had been tough, and brutal and it had hardened Ronon. Sometimes she would catch a glimpse of his softer side, one that she knew had been almost completely destroyed by the wraith. So it didn't surprise her that Ronon would have suggested torture as a means to get the code from Kavanaugh. What surprised her was that John and Dr. Weir had allowed it.

Throughout the entire time Teyla had been in Atlantis, John and Dr. Weir had lead the Atlantis expedition well. They were always sure in their actions, and it seemed that they always did the right thing, at least until now. No matter how hard Teyla tried to convince herself that the decision to torture Kavanaugh had been the right one, she just couldn't.

Teyla wasn't sure how long she stood out on the balcony, just looking at the ocean and trying to clear her mind, but after a while she heard the doors behind her slide open, and then closed again. She didn't turn around to see who it was; she just hoped that they would leave her in peace. She was much too preoccupied with her weighty thoughts, and she knew she would be unable to sustain a light conversation with anyone.

Despite what Teyla was hoping for, she heard the person walk up behind her. The sound of their military boots resonated, dispelling the silence. Teyla was surprised, and at the same time not, when she saw who it was.

John stood beside Teyla and looked out at the ocean for a few seconds. Then he turned around so that his back was leaning on the railing and he was able to see Teyla's face. "Ronon said that you might be out here."

Teyla did not meet his gaze; she merely nodded her head and stared at the waves below.

She heard John sigh. "I know that today must have been hard for you Teyla."

When his voice dropped off Teyla briefly glanced at him.

John sighed again. "Listen, I know that you were really close to Charon, so if you want to talk…"

Teyla felt a small surge of guilt when she realized that she had hardly thought about Charon since she had found about the Kavanaugh incident.

"That was not what I was thinking about."

"Oh," said John, sounding a little unsure. "Then what were you thinking about?"

Teyla turned so that she was facing John. "I was thinking about what you were going to do to Kavanaugh."

When he didn't say anything Teyla continued, "How could you let them do that John? I thought that you were a better person than that."

"Teyla, I wasn't the one who gave Ronon the go ahead."

Teyla narrowed her eyes at John when she realized he was trying to shift the blame, "No you didn't. But you didn't try to stop Dr. Weir either." Teyla was shocked at how bitter she sounded.

John pushed himself off the railing so that he was standing and facing Teyla directly. "No I didn't Teyla, because desperate times call for desperate measures."

Teyla glared at John, "You were willing to torture a person for information it turns out he didn't have! I can't forgive that easily."

John was obviously shocked by her outburst. "Why aren't you mad at Ronon?"

Teyla sighed as the anger ebbed away. "You wouldn't understand," she said quietly. She turned back to look out over the ocean again, this time leaning against the railing and resting her head in her hands.

She could hear John shifting beside her, and then she felt his shoulder brush against hers as he mimicked her position. "So make me."

Teyla raised her head and looked at John questioningly. "What?" she asked quietly.

"Make me understand Teyla," John said. "This has obviously upset you, and I don't fully understand why. There's something more to it."

Teyla took a deep breath before speaking, "I'm not sure that I can explain it to you. It's just a feeling."

John reached across the small distance between themand placed a comforting hand on Teyla's arm. "Well if you want to try, I'm listening."

Teyla briefly closed her eyes before beginning, "I've always trusted you John. Your decisions have always held a purpose. They may not have always been correct, but you were always doing what you thought was the right thing. And I've always agreed with you about what the right thing was…until now.

"I have feared the wraith for my entire life. When I was given the chance to join your team and help fight against the wraith, I gave up everything I had to do so. And now it seems as if I've allied myself with people who are no better than the wraith."

An awkward silence descended upon the two, as they remained leaning on the balcony. John quietly withdrew his hand from Teyla's arm and ran it through his hair.

John had still not said anything, and Teyla thought that perhaps she had said too much. Just as she was about to leave, he spoke.

"For what it's worth Teyla, I'm sorry." John's voice was quiet but sincere. "I guess I thought that I could try and use the fact that we were at war to justify it. But it doesn't seem like that's going to work. I'm still ashamed of what we were willing to do."

Teyla turned her head so that she could see John better, "You mean to say that you regret what happened?"

"Yes, I definitely regret it. And I wish I could say that if it happened again I wouldn't make the same choice, but I can't guarantee that. It was a tough decision. There were thousands of lives at risk, and I felt like I had the obligation to do anything I could to save them."

"I'd never thought about it like that," Teyla said quietly, almost feeling guilty for being angry with John.

Looking over at John again, Teyla saw that he was clenching his hands around the railing. She should have known that this would have been just as hard on him. This time it was her turn to lay a comforting hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry for being angry with you John. I understand the how much of a burden being a leader can be." She gave him a small smile, and she was very thankful when he returned it.

"I hope that you'll be able to trust me again Teyla," he said seriously, looking down into her eyes.

Her smile grew, "I'm sure I'll be able to manage that."

He chuckled lightly at her response. "So everything's good with us?" he asked.

Teyla nodded. "Yes," she said. "Everything is alright between us."

"Good," said John happily as he wrapped his arms around Teyla in a hug. "I would hate it if they weren't."

"And I would hate that too," she said softly into his shoulder.

When John pulled away a few seconds later he said, "Do you know what's always really nice after you've had a hard day?"

Teyla shook her head. "No," she said amiably. "What?"

"Ice cream!" John was beaming at the thought of it. "I know that they have some down in the mess. They were saving it, but I thought that we could sneak it and grab some."

Teyla followed John inside. "Alright," she said. "But what is ice cream?"

John laughed very loudly at her question, and then proceeded to explain to her as they made their way down to the mess.

The End

**A/N: All feedback is very much appreciated!**


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